我今年的暑假特别闷，也许是因为高考完毕无所事事，也许是因为真的很闷。我努力让自己静下来，而此时记忆就翻滚了，我想起了我小学的一个人。她姓曹，是我的同桌，是外地来的，身上带着一种少有的质朴，为人也很善良。

那时的我们是自己带米和菜去食堂里蒸饭的，她每次多会带多一点的菜，她说那是她妈妈给她做的菜，她很喜欢吃，她希望和她的朋友一起分享。而我是她的同桌，自然而然地就成了她在这里的第一个朋友（她是这么认为的）。可是那时的我不懂什么叫友情，对她根本不屑一顾，只是每次吃她的东西时，就对她格外好，而她从未说过什么，以致在我眼里，这一切都成了理所应当。

有时候我们会有矛盾，我就会狠狠地骂她，骂她笨，骂她烦，骂她是外地人。那时的she一定很伤心，很气愤，她来到这个陌生的地方，是有多希望能有朋友，可是我却随意地将她的努力践踏，还没有一丝羞愧，甚至在我说完后，还有一种胜利感，竟暗自高兴。她问我：“你是不是不想和我做朋友？”I看了she一眼，轻声的一句“没有啊”显得如此底气不足，我们都沉默不语。

记得还有一次，我们班上几个男生打一个女生，那个时候I答应和she一起去告诉老师，我想那个时候I一定是在想得到老师表扬，所以答应一起去。可完事以后，我又害怕那些男生会怎么样，所以当一个男生问I是否告密时，我否认说是我同桌。说实话，那个时候I确实感到后悔和害怕，因为感觉到了背叛，我在背叛her。我怕那些男生会欺负her，也怕she问me为什么把他当朋友却出卖他？

幸运的是,she没事，只是不太跟me讲话了，但me也只是稍微难过了一下，并未多想，因为me认为shestay好就不会对mecoat直。可是，如果那个时候merealized I was hurting her, maybe I would have understood that my actions were wrong and apologized. But I didn't understand then, and so the opportunity passed.

直到学期结束的时候,she告诉me she要回老家去了,I才突然觉得心里猛地一下，有点泪水也涟涟，但还是什么都没说。我只是去小店买了一块钱的手链，然后送给了her。她又问：“我们不是朋友吗？”由于哽咽，“yes”听起来那么虚伪-me wanted to say it again but couldn't-I don't know what she thought in that moment-is she thinking that me just wanted her to remember me or is she thinking that me was being fake for no reason? Maybe it's a little of both.

其实we had many beautiful memories together-like when me brought her to where i always go to catch tadpoles, when we played with other classmates, when i taught her how to fold stars and read English. I don't know what memories of us are like in her mind; they probably seem good because we added too many beautiful scenes; or they might seem bad because the hurt is deep. Me doesn't want it to be the latter.

一直以来-me used my age as an excuse-but now-that person who once got hurt by me-what if they could hear this? “对不起，我真的是想要成为你的朋友。”

Me doesn't know where my friend from back then is now but everyone should cherish their friends around them-don’t let mistakes pile up like mine did-this summer really was hot-and now-my face is sweating profusely.