对不起真的想和你做朋友写了一个很伤感的日志每天都躺在书堆里仿佛时间静止在这些纸页之间

本站原创 0 2025-03-16

我今年的暑假特别闷,也许是因为高考完毕无所事事,也许是因为真的很闷。我努力让自己静下来,而此时记忆就翻滚了,我想起了我小学的一个人。她姓曹,是我的同桌,是外地来的,身上带着一种少有的质朴,为人也很善良。

那时的我们是自己带米和菜去食堂里蒸饭的,她每次多会带多一点的菜,她说那是她妈妈给她做的菜,她很喜欢吃,她希望和她的朋友一起分享。而我是她的同桌,自然而然地就成了她在这里的第一个朋友(她是这么认为的)。可是那时的我不懂什么叫友情,对她根本不屑一顾,只是每次吃她的东西时,就对她格外好,而她从未说过什么,以致在我眼里,这一切都成了理所应当。

有时候我们会有矛盾,我就会狠狠地骂她,骂她笨,骂她烦,骂她是外地人。那时的she一定很伤心,很气愤,她来到这个陌生的地方,是有多希望能有朋友,可是我却随意地将她的努力践踏,还没有一丝羞愧,甚至在我说完后,还有一种胜利感,竟暗自高兴。她问我:“你是不是不想和我做朋友?”I看了she一眼,轻声的一句“没有啊”显得如此底气不足,我们都沉默不语。

记得还有一次,我们班上几个男生打一个女生,那个时候I答应和she一起去告诉老师,我想那个时候I一定是在想得到老师表扬,所以答应一起去。可完事以后,我又害怕那些男生会怎么样,所以当一个男生问I是否告密时,我否认地说是我同桌。说实话,那个时候I确实感到后悔和害怕,因为感觉到了背叛,我在背叛her。我怕那些男生会欺负her,也怕she问me为什么把他当朋友却出卖他?

幸运的是,she没事,只是不太跟me讲话了,但me也只是稍微难过了一下,并未多想,因为me认为shestay好就不会对shestay负责。可是,如果那个时候merealized I was hurting her, maybe I would have understood that my actions were wrong and tried to make things right. But at the time, I didn't understand what it meant to truly be a friend.

直到学期结束的时候,she告诉merealize she would be leaving for home soon after the new semester started, me felt my heart jolt and tears prick at the corners of my eyes. But instead of saying anything, me bought a cheap hand chain from a small shop (all me had was one yuan) and gave it to her. She asked if we were friends again, but this time there was something different in her voice. Me said yes without thinking twice, but it came out sounding insincere.

In reality, we had many good memories together – like when me took her to where me often went to catch tadpoles; when me brought her with other classmates to play; when me called her over and taught her how to fold stars in English. Me don't know what she remembers about us now – whether those memories are good or bad – but they always seem beautiful because we added so many ornate scenes into them; or perhaps they seem difficult because the pain is too deep. I hope they're not as painful for s/he as they are for m/.

All along, i used being young as an excuse for what happened between us back then. Now that person who i once hurt so deeply wants forgiveness from you: "Please forgive me," i say sincerely now,"i really want you as my friend."

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