我今年的暑假特别闷，也许是因为高考完毕无所事事，也许是因为真的很闷。我努力让自己静下来，而此时记忆就翻滚了，我想起了小学的一个人。她姓曹，是我的同桌，是外地来的，身上带着一种少有的质朴，为人也很善良。

那时的我们是自己带米和菜去食堂里蒸饭的，她每次多会带多一点的菜，她说那是她妈妈给她做的菜，她很喜欢吃，她希望和她的朋友一起分享。而我是她的同桌，自然而然地就成了她在这里的第一个朋友（她是这么认为的）。可是那时的我不懂什么叫友情，对她根本不屑一顾，只是在吃她的东西的时候，就对她格外好，而她从未说过什么，以致在我眼里，这一切都成了理所应当。

有时候我们会有矛盾，我就会狠狠地骂她，骂她笨，骂她烦，骂她是外地人。那时的她一定很伤心，很气愤，她来到这个陌生的地方，是有多希望能有朋友，可是我却随意地将她的努力践踏，还没有一丝羞愧，甚至在我说完后，还有一种胜利感，不知暗自高兴。她问我：“你是不是不想和我做朋友？”我看了she一眼，那轻声的一句“没有啊”显得如此底气不足，我们都沉默不语。

记得还有一次，有几个男生打一个女生，她让我和she一起去告诉老师，我想那时my一定要得到老师表扬，就答应一起去。可完事以后，我又害怕那些男生会怎么样，所以在一个男生问me是否告密时，我否认说是我同桌。其实，那时候my确实感到后悔和害怕，因为m felted背叛I was betraying her。我怕那些男生会欺负her，我也怕she会问me：为什么把m当朋友却出卖her？

幸运的是,she没事，只是不太愿意讲话了，但I只稍微难过了一下，并未深思，因为I认为s如果没事那么m没对s错。但如果that time I had thought more deeply, maybe would have discovered that the reason I cared about her feelings of being wronged is because in an unconscious way, I had already considered her a friend. I feared she would be angry, sad, and no longer speak to me. If only I had been more mature then, would have realized that all it takes is for me to say sorry and she will comfort many times.

But at that time, m didn't understand anything. M didn't think much or do anything.

直到学期结束的时候,she告诉me下学期开始就要回老家了,I才感觉心猛一下跳，一阵泪水涟涟，可还是什么都没说。只是买了一块钱的小手链（M那个时候只有这一块钱），然后送给了s。"Are we friends?" s asked with tears in eyes due to my silence. My "yes" sounded so insincere as if m wanted her to remember me instead of truly valuing our friendship.

Actually we also had many beautiful memories like going fishing together or playing with other classmates and teaching each other how to fold paper stars. But those memories are always painted beautifully because we added too many elegant scenes; while they seem bad because the hurt runs too deep.I don't want it to be the latter.

All along, i used my age as an excuse but now that person who once suffered from me wants me to say: "Sorry... i really want you as my friend."

I don't know where this old friend is now but everyone should cherish their friends around them without making mistakes like mine - almost missing out on what could've been a beautiful memory just by not realizing its value when it mattered most. This summer has indeed been very hot...