我今年的暑假特别闷，也许是因为高考完毕无所事事，也许是因为真的很闷。我努力让自己静下来，而此时记忆就翻滚了，我想起了我小学的一个人。她姓曹，是我的同桌，是外地来的，身上带着一种少有的质朴，为人也很善良。

那时的我们是自己带米和菜去食堂里蒸饭的，她每次多会带多一点的菜，她说那是她妈妈给她做的菜，她很喜欢吃，她希望和她的朋友一起分享。而我是她的同桌，自然而然地就成了她在这里的第一个朋友（她是这么认为的）。可是那时的我不懂什么叫友情，对她根本不屑一顾，只是每次吃她的东西时，就对她格外好，而她从未说过什么，以致在我眼里，这一切都成了理所应当。

有时候我们会有矛盾，我就会狠狠地骂她，骂她笨，骂她烦，骂她是外地人。那时的she一定很伤心，很气愤，她来到这个陌生的地方，是有多希望能有朋友，可是我却随意地将她的努力践踏，还没有一丝羞愧，甚至在我说完后，还有一种胜利感，竟暗自高兴。她问我：“你是不是不想和我做朋友？”I看了she一眼，说了一句“没有啊”，显得如此底气不足，我们都沉默不语。

记得还有一次，我们班上几个男生打一个女生，那个女生让我和she一起去告诉老师，我想那个时候的小me一定想要得到老师表扬，就答应一起去。可完成以后，我又害怕那些男生会怎么样，所以当一个男生问me是否告密时，我否认地说是我同桌。说实话，那个时候的小me确实感到后悔和害怕，因为感觉到了背叛。我怕那些男生会欺负she，我也怕she问me为什么把他当朋友却出卖了他？

幸运的是,she没事，只是不太和me讲话了，但只有稍微难过了一下，并未多想，因为小me认为sche没事那么就没对他错。但如果那个时候小me认真思考，也许就会发现，小merealized that I was worried about her because in unknowingly, I had already considered her a friend. I feared she would be angry, sad, and no longer speak to me. If only small mewere more mature at the time, it would have realized that all he needed to do was say sorry and she would have comforted him.

直到学期结束的时候,she告诉小mewhen next semester starts she will go back home,i felt my heart suddenly jump with pain and tears welled up in my eyes but i still didn't say anything. Instead of saying sorry or expressing my feelings properly, i bought a cheap hand chain for one yuan from the convenience store and gave it to her as a gift. She asked again “Are we friends?” But due to choking on unshed tears, what came out sounded so insincere.

We also had many beautiful memories together such as catching tadpoles at places i frequented with friends playing together calling her starlight teaching her English reading words from books . I don't know how our memories appear in your recollection; they are always made beautiful by adding too many vivid scenes; or they seem bad because the hurt is too deep .I hope not the latter.

For years now ,i've used being too young as an excuse but now that person who once suffered at my hands ,i really want to say "Sorry,i truly want to be your friend".